"Don't let what you do define you", is an overused phrase and bullshit quite frankly. What we do does, indeed, define us. How can it not? We spend more time working than playing. More time with our co-workers than our families. Even if we have a job that doesn't require us to bring work home with us, we still bring "work" home with us. The stress, the politics. If you're wrong for what you do, you know it. If you've been ignoring this fact and doing it way too long the physical manifestations of your unhappiness can be brutal; headaches, sleeplessness, aches, pains…flu like symptoms for fucks sake. Think about that, your job can make you physically ill. The emotional strain does a number on you too, not to mention how you treat other people. Have you ever sat in your office chair and day dreamed about throwing yourself down the stairs? Thought about what the correct trajectory would be to not damage your face or permanently maim yourself? How to land and cause enough harm to get out of work for a few months but not end up with a permanent gimp? Yea, uh, me neither. That would be crazy. My job is making me crazy. The sales goals, the phone call goals, the processing of work goals, the don't make any mistakes or risk pain of death goals. I'm just not cut out for this anymore. I can't be Employee number C0004567. I just cannot.
I need a change, a big, COLOSSAL change. I've been thinking about this for years. What would "I" be good at? What do "I" enjoy? I've flirted with the animal thing; Vet Tech, Dog Walker, Groomer. For a whole host of reasons I decided my love for animals was not enough to enter that industry. I'm a creative person with an art background and I love to cook and bake. To me, Pastry is the perfect marriage of those two skill sets. I've been cooking since I was a kid, entertaining since I was a teenager. I'm good at it, I'm passionate about it and I know I can make a living at it. I feel it, deep down inside of me, a confidence that I've never known before. Maybe it comes with age, this newfound confidence. I feel that my drive and my abilities have finally caught up to one another, they've come together at this particular moment in my life. So, I'm going back to school. I'm leaving my job and I'm enrolling in Culinary School to become a Pastry Chef, and I'm scared shitless…
I think it's the lack of a paycheck and the freedoms that affords that I am most nervous about. No more just meeting the girls for dinner whenever I feel like it, I'll really have to choose my opportunities. No more Dunkin Donuts coffee twice a day. No more shoes, no more clothes, no more…gulp…handbags…hold on, I'm gonna be sick. OK, I'm ok. I can do this. I'm not a materialistic person, I just like new stuff. It's gonna get tight around here, I need to stick to a budget. Right now, I'm sitting on my bed, scanning the room for anything I can sell other than myself…don't look in the mirror Lauren. I am nervous about the commuting too. My sense of direction, well, it sucks ass, plain and simple. When Kathleen and I worked at NoName in the Walt Whitman Mall back in the day, she'd have to draw me a map in order for me to walk from our store to Sbarro to get a slice of pizza for lunch. (She probably bought the pizza too, but that's a story for another day) A map, for INSIDE the mall. It wasn't a huge mall. The commuting time from F-Town is gonna suck too. I need to work that out. I need to figure out a way to stay closer to the city for 6 months. Something where rent isn't too steep and I don't have to fear for my life. Newark is cheap, Newark is scary, so that's out. I wouldn't say I'm nervous about school too much. I don't mind unfamiliar situations anymore, I make friends fairly easily, I enjoy meeting new people, I get along with pretty much anybody. If you're lucky, as I have been, you foster close friendships at work and carry them through your life, I look forward to that happening at school too. New people to add into our mix. Be kind to the newbies people, I will try to select them based on your stringent, unvocalized criteria, but you all know I gravitate towards the nutty. Now, you look in the mirror…you're all nutty in your own special way, give yourselves a wink, there ya go.
I'm scared and I'm excited as all get out. I can do this people. I can be really, really good at this. I will make you proud. Hell, maybe I can employ some of you. Maybe we can create a sweet, little baking universe and all be happy…we deserve it.
and lots of other things I love to discuss ad nauseum...
